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So this is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."

I owe everyone an apology. I wish I could tell this to you straight to your face, but everytime I try to these words never seem to be present in my brain at the time.

First of all, Tyler. I think to you I owe the biggest apology. I don't know why I was thinking you were trying to steal everyone away from me. I know now that you were just becoming another part of the family and that I had no reason to thank that you were trying to damage my friendship with any of these people I call my friends. I see now that you never meant to do anything other than make new friends. I should have never felt like you were stealing anyone away from me, because you really weren't. For this Tyler, I do in fact owe you the biggest apology.

Second, David. I'm sorry I never took your advice the first two times you gave it to me. I really should have. I'm sorry for throwing that tantrum like a little kid that night you tried to surprise me, I really shouldn't have. I should have accepted that you were trying to do something nice for me instead of focusing on the fact that everyone was fibbing a little that night. They were doing that for a good reason, and I was too stubborn to realize that.

Third, Bethy. I know I've been bothering you to take me places a lot these past few weeks, if not months, and not paying you. So starting from this moment, there will always be gas money involved. =] I know that I annoy you some days with constantly asking you the same thing or going to you for problems that I can easily fix myself. It's just at times I want that reassurance, even though sometimes it's better if I just stick with what I know and stop second guessing with everything.

Summer, I know that you've invited me to go to Wyoming a lot this year, and I've always come up with excuses as to why I wouldn't go. I promise next year will be different though. I know I haven't been the best of friend to you and Maddie, and have only been focusing most of my attention on David, Bethy and Derek, and that isn't fair to you two. I'm sorry for that. Ya'll are just as good of friends mine as they are. Lately I've been coming to you for my problems too which is what you've wanted me to do from the beginning. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you from the beginning Summer.

Maddie. You told me just recently that you'd always be there whenever I needed someone to talk to and I've taken you up on that offer. I know that I can come to you and you will listen and talk to me without prejudice. But, I haven't taken you up on that offer until recently. Someone once told me that you can have a close group of friends, but that doesn't mean that you can't have other friends, and I guess that is what I couldn't grasp with Summer and you, but I'm starting to grasp that with you two. I just wish I had grasped it sooner.

Colleen, I know I haven't been hanging out with you as much as I used to. I guess I've just been stressed and have been wanting to be on my own a lot lately, or maybe trying to hang out with other friends that I haven't been hanging out with so much lately. I don't really know. I don't regret talking to you that night in the laundry room though. I'm really glad that I have you as a friend, I'm just sorry that I can't be a good friend like you need. But you told me that you'd always be there for me to talk to, and I'll always be there for you whenever you need to talk. I'm a really good listener.

And Derek...I'm sorry for, what everyone has been saying, being posessive over you. I never meant to. I've just always been like that. Find one really good friend that is like me in almost every way and just want to be with them every day. It was the way with Gwen. I know now that it's okay to not be with someone everyday. It won't make them love you any less, or care any less. You were right. I was acting really immaturely with everything. I was immature and naive. With everything that has been going on though, it has really made me realize that I can't keep living in my high school days but that this is college and this is the real world and it's time to grow up. That's what I'm slowly doing...growing up. So in a way, your paragraph is a sorry and a thank you.

Maybe this is wishful thinking, probably mindless dreaming. I'd go back in time and change it but I can't. So if the chain is on your door, I understand. But this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."

You wanna know more, more, more about me?

• I'm always afraid of people leaving me.
• When people start getting too close, I have a knack of always pushing them away somehow, even though I never mean to do it and most of the time I don't even realize that I'm doing it.
• When I'm upset or mad I tend to say and do things that I don't mean.
• I love quotes because they can say the same things I do but have you think more indepthly about what I mean.
• I love song lyrics because they can say the things that I can't or that I can't say out loud.
• I don't like to blend in with the crowd.
• I don't like when it's quiet, I like it when it's loud.
• I've always been the outcast all through out grade school.
• I hate change so much that I sometimes try to boycott the thing that is changing.
• I've lost a lot of friends because of things I do and/or say.
• Most of the time I have my head up in the clouds, and it takes awhile for me to come down.
• I strongly believe in the quote, 'What comes around, goes around.' and 'After every hurricane comes a rainbow.'
• I can get annoying...quickly.
• Somedays I can never shut up, and other days you're begging me to talk.
• I'm strange and I like it. I would never want to change or hide it.
• Somedays I just want to cry like a child for no reason.
• I don't ask for someone to always be there for me, all I ask is just for someone to be there to listen.
• I want to be sweet and I want to be wild.
• All I want in life is to be loved. I don't want the friend kind of love, I just want the relationship kind of love.
• All I'm wanting is to be wanted.
• I have hurt many people in the past, but I never mean it. I promise.
• I hate having the same routine every day.
• I wish I could tell you everything that is going on inside, but either I can't process what's going on into words or I feel like you might think less of me if I was to tell you.
• Everything happens for a reason.
• You think you know me but I'm changing all the time.

I know there's something more to us than our mistakes.

I'm still trying to figure out how to tell you I was wrong
I can't fill the emptiness inside since you've been gone
So is it you or is it me?
I know I said things that I didn't mean
But you should've known me by now
You should've known me

If you believed
When I said
I'd be better off without you
Then you never really knew me at all
If you believed
When I said
That I wouldn't be thinking about you
You thought you knew the truth but you're wrong
You're all that I need
Just tell me that you still believe

I can't undo the things that led us to this place
But I know there's something more to us than our mistakes
So is it you or is it me
I know I'm so blind when we don't agree
But you should've known me by now
You should've known me

If you believed
When I said
I'd be better off without you
Then you never really knew me at all
If you believed
When I said
That I wouldn't be thinking about you
You thought you knew the truth but you're wrong
You're all that I need
Just tell me that you still believe

I know I said things that I didn't mean
But you should've known me by now
You should've known me

If you believed
When I said
I'd be better off without you
Then you never really knew me at all
If you believed
When I said
That I wouldn't be thinking about you
You thought you knew the truth but you're wrong
You're all that I need
Just tell me that you still believe

You should've known me
Cuz you're all that I want
Don't you even know me at all
You're all that I need
Just tell me that you still believe

Three Words.

Three words for you when you need something to help pick you up. I love you. You give me butterflies deep inside. You are beautiful, no matter what. White, black, brown, gay, straight, bi, fat, skinny, mental disorder or not, no matter what you are, you are beautiful and don't ever let anyone tell you differently. You are an original creation and no one can copy you. <3

You Cry A Tear To Start A River

So you head on down to the bottom near the river just to wash away all the pain of today and yesterday. And you try so hard to wash away the spots, but your tears don't seem to do enough. It's just too much. Well, darling grab a hand. I promise not to let you stand alone. They say that crying is good for you. Crying or rather the tears that we shed helps us see, kills bacteria, removes toxins, and also releases feelings. Crying also lowers stress and can elevate your mood. We shed tears of joy, tears of happiness, tears of grief and tears of sorrow. We shed tears for all the right reasons and for all the wrong ones. We come into this world crying and we leave this world with people crying because of us. All along life's journey we will shed tears. We will cry when we scrape our knees trying to learn how to ride a two-wheel bike. We will cry when our hearts are broken numerous times. We will cry at our wedding day along with our parents and family members. We will cry when we give birth to our own family. "Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." Everyone goes through a heartbreak. Whether it be from your best friend moving thousands of miles away or if the love of our life breaks up with us to go out with someone else or just because they didn't want us anymore. There is no way around it. I guess in a way, getting your heart broken is a good thing, because it gives us the chance to cry which helps get our feelings out there. The same feelings that most of us keep built up until we can no longer keep them inside and they're about to burst at the seams. The Hardest Ones To Love Are The Ones Who Need It Most.

Ugh...really?

Well...since no one reads this shit anyways, other than Josh I'm posting shit on here. You are a fucking stupid ass Skank who cant keep their god damn mouth shut and has to start so much fucking drama to statisfy her own needs. So just shut your god damn filthy fucking mouth and learn to keep your shit to yourself and stop starting drama and blaming other people. I am DONE with you you dirty whore. I hope you rot in fucking hell you god damn daughter of a fucking prostitute bitch.