Life is good I can't complain. I mean I could but no one's listening.

Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away.
Time spent wasting is not wasted time.
Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
A moment on the lips, forever on the hips.
Thinner is the winner.
You can never be too rich or too thin.
Hunger hurts but starving works.
The flat stomach is nice, but a concave one is perfect.
You will be tempted quite frequently. You will have to choose whether to enjoy yourself wholly for those twenty minutes or so that you will be consuming excess calories, or whether you will despise yourself cordially for the next three days.
Eat to live, but don’t live to eat.
Quod me nutrit, me destruit.
Most women live their lives in a state of starvation. Why should I be any different?
It’s Simple: You decide once and for all that you aren’t going to eat, and there are no further decisions to make.
It’s not deprivation, it’s liberation.
Being normal is over rated.
Food is like art, to be looked at not eaten.
Every time you say no thank you to food, you say yes please to thin.
You have a choice to make, do you want to be ‘normal’ and overweight like the rest of the world, or do you want to be unique and be the girl every overweight person wants to be? It’s all up to you.
I do eat normally: Only what is needful for survival. I can’t help it that we live in a piggish society where gluttony is the norm, and everyone else is constantly stuffing themselves.
Think higher of yourself, you’re too good to put that in your body.
Anorexia is not a self-inflicted disease, it’s a self-controlled lifestyle.
When I wake, I’m empty, light-headed. I like to stay this way, free and pure, light on my feet, traveling light. For me, food’s only interest lies in how little I need, how strong I am, how well I can resist, each time achieving another small victory of the will.
The difference between want and need is self control.
I’ve come too far to take orders from a cookie.
They always say they’re concerned with me, about my health, whey all they want to do is control me. They want to pin me down and force feed me with lies, with what they call love.
The greasy fry, it cannot lie, its truth is written on your thigh.
They say I could die if I get too thin and I tell them I could die getting too fat also. The difference is dieing thin is a challenge and I am not one to give up on a challenge.
We are prisoners of our taste buds - break free.
I want my collarbones and hips to be as sharp as my mind.
You can learn to love anything I think, if you need to badly enough. I trained myself to enjoy feeling hungry. If my stomach contracts, or I wake up feeling nauseated, or I’m light-headed, or have a hunger headache or better yet, all of the above, it means I’m getting thinner, it feels good. I feel strong, on top of myself, in control.
Denying yourself food is not true deprivation - never being thin is.
There is no try, there is only do.
I have a rule when I weigh myself. If I’ve gained then I starve the rest of the day. But if I’ve lost then I starve too.
Re-measure, reweigh, try harder.
Your body is the baggage you must carry through life. The more excess baggage the shorter the trip.
You have such a pretty face, why don’t you try dieting.
Pain is temporary; Pride is forever.
An imperfect body reflects an imperfect person.
Don’t give up wheat you want most for what you want at the moment.
I’m a teenage drama queen, I’ll throw my guts up for self esteem.
Empty is pure, starving is the cure.
Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.
Like a plant, surely the body can be trained to exist on nothing to take it’s nourishment from the air.
Feed the soul; let the body fast.
If you close your mouth too fast, you can know a sweeter taste.
The less I swallowed, the more I declined. the more I hope to pour things down to the essentials.
The more they give me, the less I eat.
Eat less, weigh less.
Thin has a taste all it’s own.
Happy or sad, rich or poor, it’s better being thin.
I don’t care if it hurts, I want to have control, I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul.
If it tastes good, it’s trying to kill you.
An ordinary girl, an ordinary waist - but ordinary’s just not good enough today.
The world is control. That’s my ultimate - to have control.
I want to be the smallest I can possibly be…when I see bone, that’s the day I will finally be free.
I’m not a winner. I could be thinner. So I must throw up dinner.
Giving in to food shows weakness, be strong and you will be better than everyone else.
I’m not starving myself, I’m perfecting my emptiness.
Anorexia is not a disease. Anorexia is not a game. Anorexia is a skill, perfected only by a few. The chosen, the pure, the flawless.
Anorexia is like a game, you play, you win, and then it’s over. Or you keep playing.
Nothing. Nothing is wrong. And asking is against the rules. Crying is against the rules. You’re strong, don’t let them break you. They’re trying to destroy you.
Don’t eat. If you want to see food, look in the mirror at your thighs.
What’s in your fingers today is on your hips tomorrow.
The only freedom left is the freedom to starve.
You are what you eat.
Good habits result from resisting temptation.
Food is the most primitive form of comfort.
Act as if it were impossible to fail.
Blessed are the starving, for they shall teach us not to want.
Food pickers wore big knickers.
Don’t eat anything today that you’ll regret tomorrow.
Craving is only a feeling.
Bones define who we really are, let them show.

Graduation is upon us my dear friends.

This isn't the end of our lives, it is but the beginning of a story yet unknown. Saturday is my graduation. Today we had Graduation practice...Tears were shed, and even more are going to be shed I can guarantee it. It's sad and depressing for some and happy and joyful for others. For me though...It's both. After graduation I'm going to Colorado for college, leaving Texas and my friends behind to find what I want to do with my life and what I'm about and who I am. It's going to be a long journey and I can't wait for it, but at the same time I'm leaving behind the people that have helped shape me, helped save me, helped me in so many ways that it's unbelieveable. Graduation seemed so far away and now it seems like it's tomorrow. Please tell me...Where has the time gone? I still remember the days when playing with hula hoops and jump ropes were fun during the summer. When Sailor Moon and Pokemon took up our afternoons and weekends, and rockstars, popstars, firemen, and astronauts were the in jobs to have. Now, it just seems like, Where are you going after you graduate? What are you going to do with your life? And you realize that you will never become a rockstar, a popstar, a fireman or an astronaut. You realize that you need an actual real job. I don't know if I'm actually ready for this little step, or should I say, A giant leap of faith into the world unknown...All I have to say is: "This isn't the end of our lives, it is but the beginning of a story yet unknown."

Who knew I could take such pretty pictures. (Austin, TX)

Hate is such a strong word and I must admit that I use it wrong.

Two days ago on facebook I made a huge mistake. I told all of facebook about how much I hated my mom. As soon as I posted it I regretted it, but stupid me didn't erase it. I had planned to erase it soon, but then I started vomiting, and I'm sorry, but when I'm busy trying not to vomit all over myself it's kinda hard to think about anything else. Yeah, Monday night and Tuesday I was vomiting all over the bathroom with what mama said was a stomach Virus. So anyways, I should have deleted it when I was feeling a little better after throwing up, but all I wanted to do was sleep because I had not slept the night before. I'm an idiot. I know that. I'm a disgrace to my family. I know that too. And being a disappointment to the family? I know that one too. I don't even know why they keep me around anymore to be honest. I mean, I'm never nice to any of them, all we ever do anymore is fight and it's always my dumb ass starting it. But yes, That facebook post was a mistake. I hurt someone that I love very much. I was mad at the time, I hated her for all of five minutes. I quickly got over it though, and I know that I should have deleted it, but I didn't and I'm sorry. Mama, If you're reading this, I know you probably don't care because you're mad at me. But this is coming from the bottom of my heart. I don't know how else to tell you that I'm horribly sorry for saying what I did. I'm a horrible daughter and I'm sorry. I just wish you'd forgive me. I hate when people are mad at me, especially you and daddy. When you two are mad at me, it just makes me feel like the worst person to ever live on this planet. This is my apology letter...I hope you accept it, but if you don't then I'll understand.
Mama...I don't hate you. I really don't. I love you. And I'm sorry.
:/

My new favourite word and other random thoughts coming to mind.

Dasvidanya. What does it mean you ask? Well lets go look that up on google. It means Goodbye in russian. You might recognize it from the 1997 Fox Family animated movie, Anastasia. One of my favourite movies of all time. (: It's pretty much a story about the long lost Romanov Grand Dutchess and her story of trying to find her family, and who she is and where she belongs. So...enough about Anastasia. I'm in economics, and we're learning about stocks. *sarcastic whoopie* I have Yahoo! Finance open on a different tab 'keeping up' with what the teacher is talking about. Oh well. Class Change. ^^ Now I'm in BCIS which is my computer class for all of you non LCISD students. I made a 96 on my practice test, so I decided today is my chill day in this class. I'll take the real test tomorrow. =] I'm a good student, I get my sugar done. I'm listening to Circus by Britney Spears and drinking a sobe...so you know what I am...HYPER!!!! Hehe. My poor kitty got drunk last night. shame shame. I love her to bits though, so yeah. =] I'm in a really good mood today, it's insane. INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE!!!! hehe. *dances randomly to Britney Spears* {Just Like A Circus} Ooooo Song Change....All The Things She Said by Tatu.Hehe...I shall go now and have fun with my hyperness by myself. xD

I Do What He Says But I End Up Falling Off The Edge.

Dear Past Me:
When they offer spanish in Junior High....Take it then.
When Alex asks you out, just say no...It'll save you from alot of things.
When someone introduces you to a blade and the art of cutting...Don't listen to them.
When someone introduces you to the art of anorexia and bulimia...Don't listen.
When you get your new scooter, don't ride it through puddles...You'll be happier.
When you meet someone over the internet named Kyle Nichols...you might like him, but it won't work out.
I'm only eighteen and there's so much more I could write about who to avoid and who not to and who you say you love, but the only one you will really truly like/love is a guy named Malachi. He treats you like none of the other guys have.

All we need is love and beer and old school metal.

Foreign Languages...why must we take the courses in high school? I mean, if we already know it, then we won't need to take the class; if we don't know it, then we probably won't use it. I can already tell you that by my first year of college, i'm going to forget everything I learned in Spanish, so really...I see no point in learning spanish. Sure, if I go to mexico or spain or anything I will not know the language...that's why they have translators. I mean, we are becoming so technologically advanced that pretty soon we won't need to be able to speak at all, just learn how to push buttons and have the machine talk for us. So yeah...I'm failing spanish...might not even be able to graduate...what kind of shit is that?! I mean seriously...I fucking hate foreign languages...give me some cool language to study...like australian, irish, british, scottish...stuff like that. Yes, I do know they speak english...but they also have different words for things that we use..and you can learn to speak with an accent. xD well....I'm done ranting..latas.

Listen to painfully_mainstreams Playlist

I don't care what happens to me anymore!

"You need to stop eating before you are able to fit into my pants." that's what my 'great' culinary teacher said...she said she was just joking, but I know that she just said what everyone else already knows. So guess what...I'm done eating. I no longer care who I hurt by it. I am tired of being called fat, and people are saying that I need to do something about it, so I finally fucking am. I don't care about anything anymore. So as of now, I'm done eating. Yes...that's right; Heather is finally going to starve herself thin. Here's to good luck. I will be the girl who will have to wear 00 jeans instead of 14 or 16. I'm not only doing this for myself, but I am finally giving people something pretty to look at. And since none of my friends ever read this, they don't have to know about it. >.< Blah!

What. The. Hell. Man.

George Ranch High school in Richmond, Texas is ten times better than my High School (Terry High School). It looks like fucking HOGWARTS!!!! Makes me want to fail for four years just so I can go there. Man, kids these days get everything!!!

You made me breakfast in bed, when I'm all mixed up in my head.

I got Accepted into Johnson and Wales in DENVER, COLORADO!!! if you want a link to the website to look at the campus here it is: http://www.jwu.edu/campus.aspx?id=25932 It looks kinda like Hogwarts if you ask me. =D

Happies Happies Happies Happies

Heather's got a boyfriend!!! End of this post.

Do you ever feel like breaking down? Do you ever feel out of place? like somehow you just don't belong and no one understands you?

All Is Not What It Seems
Do you ever look at someone and you can instantly tell that they’ve been through more stuff than you can fathom? You want to be able to see what they’ve gone through just by one look, but you already know that will take weeks, if not months of getting to know them. Then there are some people who do wear their past on their arms.
I’m sure you’ve seen these people on the streets, or in the halls of your school. They wear sleeveless shirts only rarely, and are almost always wearing jackets. These people by scientific name are self-injurers, but to most of the population, they are known as cutters. They say the people who take the blade to their skin are suicidal, or are emo kids who try to fit into the fad of having hair in their face, black clothes, and who listen to heavy metal bands and who cut themselves. But you see stereotypes are nothing but the little groups that society puts you into. These people couldn’t be more wrong, people who cut don’t have to always wear black. Look around you. In ever classroom there is one person who has delved into the act of self-injury. They could be the ‘ghetto’ kid in the back of the room with pants to his knees, could be the ‘preppy’ girl in the middle of the room who always comes into class with a skirt on and always seems perfect, or it could always be the ‘nerd’ in the front of the room who always has their nose in a book. People who cut aren’t always suicidal either; they seek it out as more of a pain reliever than as an attempt at suicide.
I, myself, am a cutter. Five months on January 27th. Even though I haven’t done it for five months, and I’m never going to do it again, it’s a part of me, it’s a part of who I am. I have the scars to show the struggles I have gone through. They say that to be ‘emo’ you have to be depressed, but everyone gets depressed, just some people take it to the next level. I am one of them, I know it was a mistake, but I don’t regret it because it’s in the past and I’ve lived through it.
At first glance, you never would think that I was cutting up my arms every night or that I used to do it so badly that I would end up passing out on the floor of the bathroom. Some days I get really strong urges to dig the blades deep into my skin and slice my arm open, but then I think about how far I’ve come without doing it and I begin to wonder why I ever became involved in the practice of self mutilation and about how stupid I was for thinking it was a way out.
People judge people on their mistakes. We say we don’t, but we do. We try hard against it, but in the end, we all…every single person on the planet judge’s others on their mistakes whether they know it or not. I will always be judged by the scars on my arms and wrists, no matter how much I wish I wouldn’t…I always will.

It's like being in love, You rob your own mind, You defile your bed.

Let Me Put it Plainly...Subs Suck. Here's my rant about mine: "Fucking bitch. She has no fucking right to fucking come into this god damn class. It isn't her fucking class. And then to get mad at me when she said that she was going to go around the room to get tardy people. Fucking disgrace of a god damn teacher. No wonder no one fucking likes her. And the sub looks like a god damn full grown mother fucking munchkin. A Little Harsh? Maybe. I dunno, I was in a bad mood and we had this really mean teacher in my class. I mean, my friend had that teacher for French and she lasted a semester because she was tired of hearing that teacher tell them about how they were a disgrace to the student body and that they were going to live their lives working as the greeter at Wal-mart. I fucking hate subs!

For Never Was A Story Of More Woe Than Of Juliet And Her Romeo

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Juliet:
O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name;
Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love
And I'll no longer be a Capulet.


Romeo:
[Aside] Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?


Juliet:
'Tis but thy name that is my enemy:
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? It is nor hand nor foot,
Nor arm nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O be some other name!
What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
and for thy name, which is no part of thee,
Take all myself.


Romeo And Juliet Act 2, scene 2, 33–49
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

You held my hand and walked me home.

I told him goodbye. One of the most stupid things I have done. He really was a good friend. Even if he did stop liking me...I still wanted him as a friend. Since Michael left, it's like he's the one of the only people I could come to with anything. I can't believe I could just throw it away like that. I don't want him to go...but maybe it was for the best? I just...I don't know what to do. I feel lost, worthless, helpless. Like I'm in this big black pit of nothingness and I can't get out. I can now see why he doesn't want anything to do with me. I'm nothing but a drama filled teenage girl. Who wants that? No one. I feel so pathetic right now. >.<

If I Mattered To You, Then All I would See, Is Indigo.

Okay...Here's The Sad Part, We weren't even together and he still broke my heart. Why do I always end up liking someone so much that it hurts when they say that they like someone else? This one dude...He'll never know exactly how much I like him. Everytime he talks about this girl he likes it's like my heart is splitting open more and more. It's always like this with guys I like...but he's the one guy that I've liked more than any other guy, even Ivan. I'll never forget Ivan. He was the one who broke the most important promise I've ever wanted anyone to keep. But I can't tell this guy that. Why? Because he's madly in like, he might even love her, with this other girl. And why wouldn't he be? I mean, she's probably a gorgeous size zero with baby blue eyes and brown hair and no acne. While I'm a hideous size 14/16 with acne, brown hair and hazel eyes. I'm the girl that doesn't stand out in a crowd. She probably is. I just can't keep liking people like this, Especially him. Maybe if she wasn't in the picture, and if I lived closer, then things would be different. I just...feel so helpless right now. That might sound extreme, but it's true. I don't even know if he cares about me anymore. It's gotten to the point where I love talking to him but I also hate the hurt that I feel when we talk because I know that he's talking to her and would rather talk to her than me. I don't know....I guess I just need to get out of the picture and let him continue on liking her and not have him worry about me...I just don't know what to do. Penguin...if you read this...can you help me...please?

This blog's title is not song lyrics for I am in school and am unable to listen to music.

December 7th...It takes me almost a week to realize that I'm not eating like I should. This is my routine: I don't eat breakfast. I eat lunch, I go into the bathroom and puke it up for twenty minutes. I don't eat dinner. I don't know what's wrong with me. I mean, I want to eat, but I can't. It seems that whenever I look at food my heart starts racing and I feel like I'm about to pass out. I can't fucking eat. My body, or my subconcious mind won't let me, either way, I just can't eat. I think there's something wrong with me, but I'm not sure. >.< I just feel so horrible. I don't know what to fucking do. I can't tell any of my friends close to me because I know that they will all freak out on me and leave. They already think I'm crazy, I can't let them think that I'm even crazier than they think I am. *sighs*
I have to go to the Culinary Arts party and watch them eat...I might add to this later, I don't know.

This song goes out to my good friends.

Why did I start a blog? Why not? It can help you out when you need to get something off your chest or when there's something you need to say to someone but you're too afraid to do just so. Even when you've had the worst day of your life and all you want to do is curl up into a ball and die. When you've had a break up or when your best friend and yourself have had a huge fight. Blogs are what make and keep people sane...I my dear friends are one of them. I may not write as much as I would like, but I write whenever I need to distract myself. So. It is officially Thanksgiving, so happy thanksgiving fool.
I was reading my friends blog around five minutes ago. I love this chick even though we've never actually met, I still love her. I can't say hate, because I actually don't really hate anything, so I'll use the word Dislike, so I dislike some things in it...not all of it, but just some things. *sighs* Penguin...If you read this remember...Panda loves you.
I went to the mall today to get a new jacket because I had a fifty percent off coupon for being one of the first ones to het a HT+1 card. Woot woot Go Heather! =D So anyways, I got a new Jacket...It has Jacob's dreamcatcher on the front and it says 'The Twilight Saga: New Moon' on it and it has a picture of Jacob on the back. It's brown...not black... SHOCKER! and I got a Harry Potter beanie. It has the Hogwarts Crest on one side and the other side it has the dark mark..It's Reversible FWI.
Colorado is coming up. I can't decide if I'm more excited or worried. I'm excited about going and seeing snow, but I'm worried about the plane crashing because those have been happening alot lately. If the plane does crash...I hope I'm not alive when it catches on fire if it does. I'm so scared about it crashing..Tell me...Am I just paranoid or do I really have something to worry about?
I should be getting to bed...It's already 12.13 in the morning...I have to make cornbread for the party tomorrow at my aunt's house.
Christmas is coming up!!! I GET MY HARRY POTTER BOOKS ON CHRISTMAS!!!!I'm so excited!!! YAY!
Goodnight now. (:

You've got to help me out, It's all a blur last night.

Woot Woot! Thanksgiving is almost here!!!! Tom Milsom (Hexachordal) is still a gorgeous British Guy. I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot. Did I mention that I'm an idiot? Damn it. Grrrr. So anways...I leave December Fourth for Denver...oh yeah!!! I get to see snow!! Poor Ashly had her knee surgery last thursday and thought that it would be okay to come to school yesterday...she ended up leaving because she was in so much pain. And My Baby Ashley's friend Amanda is coming back form California for Thanksgiving and they're hanging out tomorrow. And I get a new Jacket. My daddy bought me Barbie Dorothy for Christmas, and we're trying to get my Aunt to give me Barbie Glinda. "Powdered God in a bag from the Vatican, I want you to fuck off as hard as you can." 100 Percent by Angelspit. You should go listen to that song...I love it. I got Stickers!!!! YAY!!!!!
Hehe.