I should have never gotten that tattoo because now if I ever cut myself it will make me feel horrible and shitty. I still can't talk about the whole friends loving each other anymore. Cissy..she used to tell me everything, and then Michael came along and it's like she doesn't tell me anything anymore because she's telling him everything. Whenever I try to talk to him it's like he's too busy to talk to me, because, surprise, he's talking to her and the same with her. It's like I don't even exist with to them anymore.
She has the one thing I want. I want someone who will love me no matter what, but I know that will never happen. Why would anyone want to love me like that? They'll just get hurt, no one wants to get hurt. I should have killed myself when I had the chance. I'm tired of pretending to be happy. I pretend to be happy for my friends, but I can't take the whole pretending thing anymore. I know if I stop being happy everyone will leave me.
There's only one thing that has always been there when no one else was. One thing that has seen the good times and the bad times. I never had to pretend to be something I'm not. But what I want is something I can never have because I promised everyone. Hell, I keep all of my promises for people, why can't I just break one? I just want my damn razor back.