I don't know how to breathe without you...

I don't know what to do anymore. I try to be happy but it just seems like whenever I get happy something has to go and ruin it. I don't know who I am anymore. I used to be the happy, giggly person in my group of friends. Now I'm the sad, depressed person in my group of friends. It's like the happy giggly person has died and has in return evolved into this thing that everyone hates. Helsinki, Even I have come to hate the way I am now. I want to go back to the way I was. I need help to get back there. I promise that girl will come back, it just takes time and love and care. The one person who can make that girl come back is now mad at me, or so it seems. My Bethy makes her come back, but in no way like the other person. These two people are literally the two people who have never left me this year and they in return know how to make me happy and how to bring back the happy little girl that disappears for awhile. She disappears and comes back. It might be the next hour, or day or week or month...she's been gone for a year before and only because i had to bring her back. She didnt stay for long. She left quickly after that. Some days, I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't want to be as horrible as I used to be. I never want to be that way again, but it seems like being like that is how it must be for now till someone wants to break that hard skin of an outer shell that is there. I promise, that with a little help, a little care and a lot of love she will return. Just...right now...no one wants to put forth that help and that care and that love to help, so she must be stored away till someone wants to bring her out from the darkness and into the light. To help rescue her.