Tuesday, September 22, 2009
She's upset, Bad Day, Heads for the dresser drawer to drive the pain away, Nothing good can come of this.
So...September 22nd at 4.55 Pm. I...want happiness in my life. I'm tired of all this drama that has come into my life in the past week or so. It was all fine until he turned up again. I don't have a problem with it..I really don't. I still really like the guy. It's just....I don't know. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm ugly. I get told that everyday, it's nothing new to me. Maybe it's just that I finally found a guy that I like that likes me back that doesn't want me just so they 'can take my virginity away.' Everytime I talk to him it's like I suddenly have this new found respect for myself, and I suddenly feel pretty. It's insane. No one else has ever had that effect on me. I'm a horrible person, I know that. I push a lot of guys out of my life because I know that I'll never have a chance with them. Except Chip, Jaz, Garrett, Uriel because well...I've never really liked them in that way, I've always liked them in the friend kind of way. But anyways...I've lost him once...I don't think I would be able to handle losing him again. In fact, I know I wouldn't be able to. I'd go back to the old ways...We all remember those days: Gashes in my body every night before bed, sometimes two, sometimes more. I had friends who were so worried about wether or not they would see me the next day. If I do lose him then I just know that I'm going to go back to those days. But if it happens, then it happens. I just...Need to get away from the internet and Texas. Maybe go to Antarctica or Somewhere where there's no one, or barely no one. You know what...I'm going to live on the Titanic.
Posted by Heather Nicole. at 4:54 PM