"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable."

Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

So this is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."

I owe everyone an apology. I wish I could tell this to you straight to your face, but everytime I try to these words never seem to be present in my brain at the time.
First of all, Tyler. I think to you I owe the biggest apology. I don't know why I was thinking you were trying to steal everyone away from me. I know now that you were just becoming another part of the family and that I had no reason to thank that you were trying to damage my friendship with any of these people I call my friends. I see now that you never meant to do anything other than make new friends. I should have never felt like you were stealing anyone away from me, because you really weren't. For this Tyler, I do in fact owe you the biggest apology.
Second, David. I'm sorry I never took your advice the first two times you gave it to me. I really should have. I'm sorry for throwing that tantrum like a little kid that night you tried to surprise me, I really shouldn't have. I should have accepted that you were trying to do something nice for me instead of focusing on the fact that everyone was fibbing a little that night. They were doing that for a good reason, and I was too stubborn to realize that.
Third, Bethy. I know I've been bothering you to take me places a lot these past few weeks, if not months, and not paying you. So starting from this moment, there will always be gas money involved. =] I know that I annoy you some days with constantly asking you the same thing or going to you for problems that I can easily fix myself. It's just at times I want that reassurance, even though sometimes it's better if I just stick with what I know and stop second guessing with everything.
Summer, I know that you've invited me to go to Wyoming a lot this year, and I've always come up with excuses as to why I wouldn't go. I promise next year will be different though. I know I haven't been the best of friend to you and Maddie, and have only been focusing most of my attention on David, Bethy and Derek, and that isn't fair to you two. I'm sorry for that. Ya'll are just as good of friends mine as they are. Lately I've been coming to you for my problems too which is what you've wanted me to do from the beginning. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you from the beginning Summer.
Maddie. You told me just recently that you'd always be there whenever I needed someone to talk to and I've taken you up on that offer. I know that I can come to you and you will listen and talk to me without prejudice. But, I haven't taken you up on that offer until recently. Someone once told me that you can have a close group of friends, but that doesn't mean that you can't have other friends, and I guess that is what I couldn't grasp with Summer and you, but I'm starting to grasp that with you two. I just wish I had grasped it sooner.
Colleen, I know I haven't been hanging out with you as much as I used to. I guess I've just been stressed and have been wanting to be on my own a lot lately, or maybe trying to hang out with other friends that I haven't been hanging out with so much lately. I don't really know. I don't regret talking to you that night in the laundry room though. I'm really glad that I have you as a friend, I'm just sorry that I can't be a good friend like you need. But you told me that you'd always be there for me to talk to, and I'll always be there for you whenever you need to talk. I'm a really good listener.
And Derek...I'm sorry for, what everyone has been saying, being posessive over you. I never meant to. I've just always been like that. Find one really good friend that is like me in almost every way and just want to be with them every day. It was the way with Gwen. I know now that it's okay to not be with someone everyday. It won't make them love you any less, or care any less. You were right. I was acting really immaturely with everything. I was immature and naive. With everything that has been going on though, it has really made me realize that I can't keep living in my high school days but that this is college and this is the real world and it's time to grow up. That's what I'm slowly doing...growing up. So in a way, your paragraph is a sorry and a thank you.
Maybe this is wishful thinking, probably mindless dreaming. I'd go back in time and change it but I can't. So if the chain is on your door, I understand. But this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."

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